There is a concept that is said to only exist in Swedish. The term indicates a satisfactory amount adapted for its purpose, neither too much that destroys nor too little that is not enough to achieve the desired result. I think it is called “quantum satis” in Latin, in Swedish it is called “lagom”. The English translation could be “just right” or “adequate” but the meaning is not quite the same.
Anyway, in love relationships, I’m way too kind and compliant. I have a lot of psychological explanations for this but they are not very helpful, and I’m not getting better at being “just right kind enough”.
Of course, it is a good quality to be kind, but it can be overvalued. Too much kindness can be uncomfortable and unpleasant, but it can also be exploited, depending on the recipient. The risk being you focusing too much on the other person’s needs and ignoring your own, to be a better person and to be liked.
Next time I fall in love, again, I will really try not to be overly kind. I will try to focus more on myself, try to know my own priorities, and try to set reasonable boundaries. Now I have written about it in this blog and it is public. I cannot hide (and just be overly kind)!