Category Archives: Emotions

Love and passion

I have discovered that I need to feel passion to have enough drive. I have a passion for my job and it has become far too important in my self-realization. I have the drive for much else, but when it comes to meeting a dear and really close friend to feel love for, my drive has gradually diminished by the failed attempts. This is a problem I do not want to accept. I’m not giving up. I am learning and have the courage to keep trying.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately and found that I need to feel a sense of trust and closeness. It is not very unique and when you are someone who falls in love as soon as someone seems to like you, you might be lucky and may be able to develop a sustainable relationship, but the chance of success is small. I’ve tried.

Something seems to be missing and if so much else in life gets better with passion, this is of course what has been missed. But what exactly is passion? How can one distinguish a passionate love from an ordinary new love? The feeling of being filled with energy, feeling scared, but at the same time more vital than ever is very reminiscent of an ordinary new love. If you take one step at a time and listen carefully inwards, you may be able to discover if there is passion. If you feel true to yourself when you listen, then maybe there is passion! Just trust, just closeness, or both trust and closeness are not enough. It is the combination of trust, closeness and passion that is required for a lasting love to develop.

That is of course how it is! Now I really do feel hope!

Freely speculated and perhaps far too much thought! Inspired by events in my life and by Einar Wiman at https://www.motivation.se/innehall/hitta-din-sanna-passion/

Quantum satis

There is a concept that is said to only exist in Swedish. The term indicates a satisfactory amount adapted for its purpose, neither too much that destroys nor too little that is not enough to achieve the desired result. I think it is called “quantum satis” in Latin, in Swedish it is called “lagom”. The English translation could be “just right” or “adequate” but the meaning is not quite the same.

Anyway, in love relationships, I’m way too kind and compliant. I have a lot of psychological explanations for this but they are not very helpful, and I’m not getting better at being “just right kind enough”.
Of course, it is a good quality to be kind, but it can be overvalued. Too much kindness can be uncomfortable and unpleasant, but it can also be exploited, depending on the recipient. The risk being you focusing too much on the other person’s needs and ignoring your own, to be a better person and to be liked.

Next time I fall in love, again, I will really try not to be overly kind. I will try to focus more on myself, try to know my own priorities, and try to set reasonable boundaries. Now I have written about it in this blog and it is public. I cannot hide (and just be overly kind)!

Basically good!

This summer I actually read a really thick book! I rarely indulge in reading novels or a thicker book that cannot be read in one go. I have learned that I am worthy of being liked only when I perform or am obedient and compliant. To “just” read and to devote myself to me is frightening! On the other hand, I love to learn and to understand and there is a lot of wisdom written in books.

The book I have read is not really a novel but can probably be classified as a manual in humanity. It assumes that man is good and describes it in a convincing way. It is man’s natural goodness that has made us what we are today. Helpfulness and cohesion have been a prerequisite for our success as a species. For the most part, we work together and feel trust in each other. In meetings with others, we usually experience kindness.

But, how does this go together with all the evil deeds that humans are capable of? Based on a series of crucial historical events and research studies, the book’s author sheds new light on human actions. The notion that man is basically selfish and controlled by self-interest is deeply rooted in our Western tradition of thought. Our societal debate assumes that we are egoistic and only think of ourselves. Our view of ourselves is of crucial importance for how we solve the societal challenges of the future.

It is high time for a new discussion about human nature. The book provides an opportunity to see humanity in a new way. The book is an international bestseller! I read the Swedish translation called “I grunden god“. The author is Rutger Bregman, a Dutch historian. The English title is “Humankind: A Hopeful History“.

If you, like me, feel guilty when you are lazy and “only” read a book, I can warmly recommend this book. It really makes a difference to understanding!

Roses of love!

Roses, the flower of love, are perhaps the most popular in the world, and have a given place in my little rowhouse garden. Roses are not only beautiful and fragrant but are surrounded by both romance and mystery. According to Greek mythology, the rose was created by Adonis’ love for Aphrodite, and at his death he is said to have turned into a red rose. The red rose is therefore associated with erotic love.

The best location for roses is sunny, and a healthy soil is the prerequisite for viable roses. If you give your roses love, you get love back. Roses are very beautiful on their bush but also in a bouquet. In the language of flowers, the number of roses in a bouquet has its special meaning. A single rose means “You are my everything”. Three roses; “When can I see you again?” Five – “I do anything for you”. Seven say “I love you”, while ten roses in a bouquet mean “Do you want to marry me?”

A beautiful day with longing

Of course, it is possible to long for the future but at the same time be present and experience the day. Today was a delightful winter day with snow, sun and clear, cold air. It was great to be outdoors! Down on the boatyard among all the winter-resting boats, the longing for spring grew in me. When I get to make my boat ready and nice for a new season in the Stockholm archipelago. It is nice to both long for spring and to enjoy the winter. It’s nice to feel the longing!

With hope for the future!

Very soon, the year 2020 will end. In many ways, it has been a terrible year. In Sweden, it turns out that new public management and the just-in-time economy have made us very vulnerable to a plague like the Corona pandemic. Hopefully we will learn something from the ordeal that the Covid-19 virus entails. In any case, we did not want to listen to the warnings and we should have understood better. 

With joint efforts, we will pass this torment as well. But the year has not only been miserable. Just before the year started, I fell very much in love even though I had actually given up the opportunity to meet someone who would put up with me. It has turned out that she is crazy enough and has enough humor to accept me and I can see her whims from the bright side. 

It has not been a dance on roses all the time and it probably will not be in the future either. But I feel the security I need to not let my inner fears take over and not listen to all the nonsense that my ego tells me. It’s not bad at all and then I have come a long way. 

You learn as long as you live. Finally, I have learned and may have grown up in love too. So, despite all the misery of the pandemic, my year has been wonderful, and I look forward to the next. In this post, I share various photos from the year that has now come to an end.

Happy New Year! 🙂

Eventually it gets brighter!

It always does, gets brighter, when it is dark. Right now there are many reasons to see everything in black. Among them the pandemic and the lack of respect for democracy here and there in the world. I choose to believe in the good of humanity and that it will become brighter in time.

Up here in the northern hemisphere, the days are short now. Last weekend the sun shone for a while, enough for a walk along Edsviken to Ulriksdal Castle. We have not yet received snow. It is dark most of the day. But today is the first Sunday in Advent and we turn on the winter lights in our gardens, and candlesticks and Advent stars in the windows. Suddenly it gets brighter. Now it’s only four weeks until Christmas!

The beauty of insights

There are indeed many wise and kind people on the Internet who share their wisdom. It’s just a matter of finding them in all the information noise and among all the loudmouths. Like when I felt abandoned and unsuccessful because I could not find love but found a wisdom that a friend posted (1). 

* * *

It’s not about finding someone to live with, but finding the one you do not want to live without!

* * *

Many before me have probably understood this. To me, that wisdom made all the difference anyway. It gave me the insight I needed. Today a friend wrote about the meaning of life in her blog on WordPress (2). 

* * *

It is not about finding the meaning of life but about finding the
meaning in life. 

* * *

It may seem a very small difference between “of” and “in” but it really made my thinking about the meaning of life evolve to something else. An absolutely wonderful insight!

The links to my friends’ sites:
1. https://www.terapeutjinder.se/
2. https://walkaboutsweden.wordpress.com/

The pictures in this post were taken the other day in an allotment garden nearby.

Blueberries of love

Berries taste good. Berries are good for body and soul, both when you eat them and when they are picked. Now is the time when the forest is full of blueberries.

I do not want to claim that I am a persistent berry picker. I’m not a dedicated forest walker either. But still, walking in the woods with good friends to experience nature and to pick the fruits of the forest, it really is a treat for the soul!

Warm love!

Summer has really come to Sweden. We have a heat wave with temperatures above 30 degrees (Celsius). The weather was also exceptionally good recently during the important Midsummer weekend. Almost as if nature comforts us in the midst of the ongoing pandemic.

We had a walk on Djurgården, an island in central Stockholm. There, in the middle of the capital, you will find beautiful and soothing scenery with stretches of forest and meadows, in addition to historical buildings and monuments, museums, galleries, an amusement park, the open-air museum Skansen, a small residential area, and yacht harbours.

The Swedish monarch has held the right of disposition of Djurgården since the 15th century. We walked Crown Princess Victoria and Prince Daniel’s love path in the forest area by the marsh “Isbladskärret” on the island’s northeastern part.
There was peace and quiet with cows, herons, trees and wild roses. Finally we reached the channel “Djurgårdsbrunnskanalen” and saw the TV tower “Kaknästornet” in the distance. The Royal Djurgården can be recommended, if you ever come to Stockholm.

More blossoming love!

This post contains no deep thoughts! I don’t have a lavish garden but my little townhouse lot with its small flowerbed was so beautiful tonight when I got home. My chest was filled with love like little bumblebees buzzing in there. I got the urge to take some macro pictures.

With compliments to Ernst Kirchsteiger

Flourishing love.

When I browse my own Instagram site, I see many pictures of flowers. There are also quite a lot of flowers here in my blog. I appreciate flowers, I love flowers! Now it is spring and there are more and more flowers everywhere.

Spring brings out all the beautiful flowers! Flowers are created by nature. It is true that what is created by nature is beautiful. Humans are also created by nature! Spring also brings out the beauty in people.

This year’s spring has been cold. Finally, the heat came and my camera had to follow me on the weekend’s walks. I saw spring flowers and my beautiful love.

Fear and Love

We all carry inner fears. I think that when we recognize them and know them, we have the conditions necessary to reach the final stage of our ”adult development”. In our minds we have an idea of who we are. We have learned the idea of ourselves during life. Thoughts about ourselves have been shaped by success and adversity. We have learned to live our lives. But even if the thoughts, once formed, were appropriate, in adulthood they may have become an inner fear, a fear that complicates life.

We are happy to defend our inner fear of discovery. Wouldn’t it be awful if someone discovered that we are inadequate and not worthy of love? Whenever we are in a defensive position, we really are not in our favor. The notion of ourselves and our inner fear is then easily confirmed, especially in love relationships.

I know, it sounds hopeless but you can actually learn again. It’s hard to get rid of the inner fears but you can stop being afraid of them. Recognize them and learn to deal with them as a fully-grown person. Do not be afraid!

Communicating love

Whenever we want to communicate, we are usually anxious to be understood and to understand. Why do we overlook this when we try to communicate love? Is inner fear hindering us, or are there simply different languages of love? Do we talk past each other because we have different languages?

Do you think your partner doesn’t understand you? Do you know what you need to understand love expressions? Have you thought about what makes your partner feel love? How do you communicate love with each other?

I like manuals of living! They make me think and sometimes I learn. I stumbled across a book by Gary Chapman that describes a theory about the different languages of love. Broadly speaking, there are five love languages: “Affirmative Words”, “Time Together”, “Gifts”, “Services”, and “Physical Touch”.

The book has been translated into Swedish and is called “Upptäck kärlekens olika språk“. The original title is “Five Love Languages”.
The photographs are from a walk recently in Nacka outside Stockholm.

Love and trust.

Trust is the foundation of love, and we can only truly love someone that we can trust. Love by itself isn’t enough, and really does not conquer all. I now know that I have to trust the one I Love. To have a healthy love relationship, I must have the guts to believe in my partner. Trust is necessary.

Trust is a feature of love. Trust enhances love. A real love relationship is built upon trust. If your partner tends to break your trust in any way, it simply isn’t true love. Building trust requires commitment, and trust must be maintained. Trust requires listening to and communicating both our desires and needs. Most importantly, trust requires honesty.

Once the trust is broken it is hard to avoid doubt and fear of trust and love being broken again. You become more cautious about whom to trust, and to love again. Fortunately, trust actually can allow us to love again! When you are aware that trusting someone is a risk, and when the falling in love comes with a hope that your lover will deliver on all the promises the earlier relationships failed to fulfil, you must dare to take the risk. That risk can create a wonderful, everlasting love!

Chance and love.

Very much happens by chance or at random. Admittedly, the right conditions need to prevail, but chance mostly has a big impact. Being lucky seems necessary! When it comes to love, I think we create the conditions ourselves.

Brusquely expressed, I lost faith in love about six months ago. I was well on my way to become bitter and almost misogynous! But, I’m basically unhelpfully romantic and couldn’t stop believing that even for me, somewhere there was a great answered love.

I just had to take it easy and stop hunting, but still be open to love! Suddenly and completely unexpectedly she was there. I fell in love and realized that the love is answered. Now, our love develops and we get to know each other. It is wonderful. Random is not enough to explain that we have met. It really feels like a higher power is involved in the fact that we two met each other!

Forget the modesty!

You can really wonder why I’m blogging and why I’ve started posting about my feelings on the internet. This website started out as a kind of photo blog just because I wanted to learn blogging. But, honestly, I actually find photo blogs without text pretty boring even if the pictures may be really nice. Not all pictures do tell more than a thousand words!

To me, a blog isn’t like posting on Facebook or Instagram. I confess I’m posting there to get many likes! On this blog, however, I can see the viewer statistics and where you viewers reside but nothing more. If you are a WordPress user and likes a post, I can see your feedback, but I allow likes also from anonymous viewers.

Lately, I have written about my experience of falling in love, for me in a new and fantastic way. It is possible that I shouldn’t write about such things, but I feel strongly that I want to share. It might help some, somewhat chubby men in their best years, to believe in love. Who knows, maybe it helps even more, who are looking for that great love.

Anyway, in order to blog about emotions, I have had to move outside my comfort zone, and have had to put my shyness or modesty aside. So far it has been fairly painless but I have not really received any response to what I have written, except from her whom I love and who loves me. So, you my few readers, don’t be shy, log in at WordPress.com before liking, and please comment! 🙂

The pictures again are photos from 2017 that I like including people I love.

The language of love

There is saying “Treat others the way you want to be treated”. In love relations this seems safe and easy, and you will probably get what you want in return. But imagine if you act completely unaware of the other’s wishes. Then you might become too selfish, simply a jerk. No one wants to be like that, right?

I’d rather say “Treat others the way they want to be treated”. I enjoy being responsive, loving and generous but risk being perceived as too soft and without my own will. Fortunately, that’s a risk I’m prepared to take, and it seems to pay off!

I now know that there is a love for each of us. You just have to give yourself time to understand what you are longing for. How to treat each other is an essential part of the language of love. When you have met your love, and when you speak the same language of love, then you know that you have found the one you do not want to live without.

The three first pictures are from the Pride parade in Stockholm, and the last is from Regent’s Canal in London.

Reciprocated love

Some say unrequited love is real love but I can’t disagree more. Some say the less reciprocation there is, the more desire we have! I do believe they are horribly wrong. I would argue, however, that love without response is like an important question without an answer. I have been in love when I haven’t had the same reciprocated emotion, and it hurts. Not a pleasant soul pain like a sliver of autumn depression, but a nagging and joy-killing.

Love has now suddenly arisen in my life and I feel that she really cares. She seems to see the imperfect me perfect. The love is mutually answered.

The pictures are taken some years ago in Stockholm at Skansen, the world’s oldest open-air museum with farmsteads and a zoo.

Falling in love or enamoured hope!

In the Swedish everyday language there are several words for love, kind of reflecting the different stages of the “love relation process”. The first stage, when we are falling in love, is called “förälskad” and may translate into English as “enamoured”, or “amorous”, or simply “in love with”. 
I am into research and maybe I theorise too much. Anyway, I mean that stage when it all feels great and we are full of hope and dreams. We hope that our lover will deliver on all the promises our earlier relationships failed to fulfil, and we dream of remaining in love forever. All our love hormones are overflowing.
This truly is a wonderful stage, and it is probably necessary for the relation to develop into the next stage when we really love each other, in Swedish “när vi älskar varann”. When the love deepens and develop, and when you really feel you have found the one you don’t want to live without.
(It’s just some thoughts of enamoured hope!)